save the empty

I already miss you so bad it hurts.

I never really understood why people cry for other people. I do now. It hurts to see you hurt and to know you hurt. It hurts me, a lot. And it really hurts to know that you won’t talk to me about it. It makes me feel so alone and so selfish. I would do anything to help. I was in tears tonight because of you. God it hurts so bad to know you won’t let me in. It’s not fair. It’s not right and it’s definitely not helping anyone. It’s only hurting yourself and me and making a wall in between us. I just wish you would feel like you can tell me anything. You can tell me anything in the world and I’m here to listen and always love you. I barely cry for me, but I’m happy to cry for you any day. As long as you let me.

People assume that because I’m a Christian, that I don’t mess up. That I don’t sin and that I don’t still have problems. I’m not perfect, my life isn’t perfect. Just because I’m a Christian doesn’t mean life doesn’t affect me the same way it does you. I’m still tempted to lie or cuss or hate or do other stuff and sometimes I do. I know it’s wrong but like I said, I’m not perfect. I don’t always want to make the right choices and I want to do what I want, but I try not to. I just wish people would understand that, I’m only human. Like the bible says, with God you can do the impossible, I hope to someday achieve better than where I am now with Him. I’m definitely not the same person I was a yeah ago. I know I’m not the same person I was this summer. I’m okay with that, I’m better now and I’m getting better. I’m proud of the person in becoming and the person I will be. I’m not ashamed of my past or to admit I’m not perfect, it just shows anyone can do it. With God.